What value would someone get out of mentoring me?
This is a question I got in one of the breakout rooms of the Netflix Women of Color lounge for vGHC last week. Let’s break it down.
The belief that you can’t possibly imagine someone getting value and joy out of sharing their experience and knowledge with you or anyone less experienced than them is rooted in tropes of low self value and an idealized view of your mentors-to-be.
Mentors are after all people. People enjoy teaching, sharing and learning. We are a species that pass experiences through not only what we live, but what we collectively as a species live. You are also people, deserving of your own right of other people’s help, guidance and assistance if they so agree. You don’t need to understand what someone gets out of helping you to freely engage in a relationship with a mentor and enjoy and absorb whatever they can provide you with.
Much of our society is built in transactional relationships and give and take narratives. So it’s not surprising that you might feel indebted to give back to your mentor in a meaningful way. Tech increases this sentiment with the many ways in which newcomers are expected to give for free or in a transactional way:
- Free internships
- Open source work
- Take home projects in interviews
Here’s the catch: mentors are getting value back. There’s joy in sharing your experience with others and paying it forward. Teaching and watching others execute is one of the best ways to learn
People enjoy giving. Some people anyways. Others want to pay it forward.
Most importantly, the reason doesn’t matter that much. Sometimes people can not explain the reason why they feel compelled to help others. Maybe you remind them of them when they were starting out, maybe one of their missions is to help others realize their value and advance their careers. It truly doesn’t matter. Reach out, join a community and ask for a mentor. Be specific what are your goals with the relationship and be mindful of the person’s time and best areas of impact. Don’t ask a primarily frontend engineer for help with game development if they don’t do it. Put your mentors in the best possible seat to help you achieve your goals.
Benefits of mentorships
Research has shown the many benefits successful mentoring partnerships have for mentees. More rapid advancement, higher salaries, greater organizational commitment, stronger identity, and higher satisfaction with both job and career. As well as personal benefits like better physical health and self-esteem, ease of work-life integration, and strong–er relational skills.
For mentors there are benefits and value too: the development of leadership and coaching skills, helping others visualize and realize their potential, gaining insights into themselves, being of service to others, learning about different technologies and frameworks and seeing other challenges they might not get to experience on their own.
Accepting we deserve help and can get help if we ask for it and are open to it is a fundamental part of life
Learn to accept help from others freely and without expectations. I promise your mentors are getting something back from the relationship, at the very least they are learning if the process works for them.
Mentors can be an excellent sounding board for your career and work challenges. They might provide new perspectives to problems, lend their experience with common workplace politics, point out areas of growth as well as identify strengths you find normal but might make you the ideal candidate for certain opportunities. Thinking you are not giving enough back to a mentor or no one can possibly be interested in mentoring you is limiting your growth. Give others the joy of sharing, accepting help is a form of strength.
