This one is for me

I’m so normie. My aunt used to tell me a few years back that I was so rational it was crazy. If you come to know me well, honestly, you don’t need to know me that well to realize it, I’m not the funniest person to be around, basically boring.

I’m not happy all the time, hell, I don’t believe in happiness all the time. Contentment is more like I would describe for a sense of what others call happiness. It might seem confusing that I’m not always laughing, or happy in the mornings. I’m laughing inside and I’m content in the macro. I have a lot going on on my mind as most introverts. And I have a lot of fears and bad stuff that has happened that sometimes, unexpectedly, will creep into my thoughts.

But I also have ambitions, things that I want to accomplish, curiosity for life and people and how they act and why they act this way in this circumstance or with this person. At the same time I’m highly sensitive, my skin intuitively knew I wouldn’t tell this and decided to reflect it in unsuspected ways. All this packaging compose me, brings me to this realm that it’s called life. It makes me question some mornings how is possible I’m awake, and others how is possible I’m not more awake. Yes, it might definitely sound confusing.

As I reflect on the 10 years that mark the end of my twenties and try to avoid fall for the trap that headlines of young people making it in the world set on your expectations; as I reflect from my origins in Guantanamo city, I remember I told my best friend, while we were hungry in a STEM school, away from our families: “My dad can barely read and my mom is a teacher” implying how hard life was gonna be to get away from that.

Today, packing and talking to myself, with way less friends, fortunately less hungry but with the same ambitions and curiosity I think about my force frugalness in the most expensive city in the world, and I can’t make peace with the fact that I also feel incredible fortunate. I hope curiosity keeps being my main drive, to act despite fear and most of all I ask to treat others and myself with kindness every morning.

I need to be reminded that my path is like a lot of other’s people path, but at the same time, isn’t. It’s important to remember reasons for both.